Aromantic: Definition, signs, benefits, and challenges (2024)

What does “aromantic” mean?

“Aromantic” (or “aro” for short) is a term used to describe people who experience little or no romantic attraction toward others. On the other end of the spectrum, people who do experience romantic attraction are referred to as “alloromantic” (or “allo”).

It’s been estimated that less than 1% of the global population identifies as aromantic or asexual.¹ However, this figure may be an underestimation due to lack of awareness and understanding of the orientation. The orientation is more prevalent among Generation Z, with about 4% of those ages 18 to 24 claiming the identity.

Romantic vs. sexual orientation

Romantic orientations and sexual orientations are distinct from each other.

• Romantic orientation describes the gender(s) toward which a person experiences romantic attraction. This involves feelings of love, emotional intimacy, and the desire for a romantic relationship.
• Sexual orientation refers to the gender(s) toward which a person feels sexual attraction. It focuses specifically on who you would like to be physically intimate with.

It’s important to remember that romantic attraction can exist without sexual desire, and vice versa. For example, a person may want to engage in romantic activities (such as going on dates) with someone without wanting to have sex.

Being aromantic vs. asexual

Aromanticism and asexuality can overlap, but they’re separate orientations. Aromanticism refers to a lack of romantic attraction, while asexuality refers to a lack of sexual attraction.

It’s possible to be both aromantic and asexual, but they don’t need to go hand in hand. A person may identify as aromantic but still experience sexual attraction, or be alloromantic without experiencing sexual attraction. There are many combinations of sexual and romantic orientations that a person may use to self identify.

People who identify as aromantic may still desire close relationships, just without any romantic elements. They might seek out platonic partnerships, close friendships, or other forms of intimacy. These relationships can be just as fulfilling and meaningful as romantic ones.

Aromanticism as a spectrum

Aromanticism isn’t an absolute or fixed orientation. It’s more like a spectrum, with different people falling at different points along it.² Some people might never feel romantic attraction, while others might feel it rarely or only in certain situations.

Some identities within the aromantic spectrum include:

• Grey-romantic: Occasionally experiencing romantic attraction, but it’s rare
• Demiromantic: Only feeling romantic attraction after forming a strong emotional bond
• Lithromantic: Feeling romantic attraction, but not wanting it reciprocated

A person’s feelings about, and experience with, romantic attraction can change over time. Exploring, discovering, and building your personal identity is a life-long pursuit.

Do aromantic people fall in love?

Most aromantic people don’t “fall in love,” but they still have the ability to feel love.³ They may experience it in different forms, such as deep love for friends, family, or pets.

Some aromantic people form committed partnerships, and even marriages, based on mutual care and respect rather than romance. These relationships can be just as meaningful and fulfilling as romantic ones.

It’s important to note that aromantic people can still enjoy physical intimacy, cuddling, or other forms of affection without romantic attraction. The distinction is that they don’t experience the specific feelings associated with romantic love, such as butterflies in the stomach or a desire for romantic gestures.

Am I aromantic?

The aromantic experience is unique to each person, and being aromantic can mean different things to different people. If you think you might be aromantic, you can start exploring your identity by reflecting on your experiences and feelings.

Some common experiences of aromantic people include:⁴

• Having crushes rarely or never at all
• Not enjoying dating or finding it unexciting
• Feeling content being single
• Viewing romantic relationships as an obligation rather than a desire
• Feeling indifferent or anxious when asked out
• Struggling to develop strong romantic feelings for partners
• Finding romantic gestures unnatural or forced
• Preferring friendships over romantic relationships
• Not worrying about being single long-term
• Difficulty distinguishing between romantic and platonic feelings
• Valuing friendships as much as or more than romantic relationships
• Not relating to friends’ romantic experiences or feeling jealous
• Finding romantic gestures or declarations silly
• Not understanding how attraction leads to wanting a relationship
• Never experiencing “falling in love”
• Finding romantic plots in media uninteresting
• Disliking romance or finding it unappealing
• Not enjoying or wanting to kiss or cuddle others
• Struggling with flirting or recognizing when others flirt
• Avoiding places where flirting is common
• Possibly enjoying sex but not understanding romance
• Feeling a connection to the term “aromantic”

Aromantic people may experience some, all, or none of these feelings. It’s normal to explore your romantic and sexual identities throughout your life, and they may change over time.

It may be helpful to work with a mental health professionalas you explore and interpret your experiences.

How identifying as aromantic impacts mental health

Being aromantic can significantly impact a person’s mental health in both positive and negative ways.⁵

Benefits of embracing aromanticisim

Connecting with your aromantic identity can be a liberating experience. You may feel empowered to reject societal expectations and live more authentically once you understand and embrace your identity. This can lead to improved self-acceptance, less confusion about your feelings, and better-quality relationships.

Joining online communities can also be a valuable source of support and validation for aromantic people. These spaces allow people to share experiences, find resources, and connect with others who understand their perspective. Many people report feeling less alone and more understood after connecting with others who share similar experiences.

Challenges faced by aromantic people

Despite the positives, embracing an aromantic identity can also be challenging. This is especially true because society places a high value on romantic relationships.

Aromantic people may face “arophobia,” which is an unofficial term used to describe prejudice, discrimination, or negative attitudes toward aromanticism. This can take the form of dismissing aromanticism as a valid identity, assuming aromantic people are incapable of love, or pressuring aromatic people into romantic relationships.

Arophobia often stems from misunderstanding and societal “amatonormativity” (the assumption that everyone desires a committed, romantic relationship). Some of the negative stereotypes against aromantic people are that they’re lonely, unfulfilled, or incapable of love.

Because of these stereotypes, aromantic people may experience:

• Feelings of inadequacy or abnormality
• Difficulty finding representation in media and culture
• Misunderstanding or dismissal of their identities
• Pressure to conform to relationship norms
• Trouble explaining their identity to others
• Isolation and low self-esteem

Additionally, some people have a misconception that aromanticism is caused by mental illness, or that it’s a temporary state resulting from trauma. These misconceptions sometimes lead people to invalidate or dismiss a person’s aromantic identity. It may be helpful to work with an LGBTQIA+-informedmental health professionalwho can affirm your identity as you address the impact of invalidating comments.

The challenges that come with living as an aromantic person have the potential to increase stress, anxiety, and depression. Some aromantic people may feel pressured to enter romantic relationships they don’t truly desire, causing emotional distress and unfulfilling partnerships. They may also struggle with self-doubt or internalized arophobia and question the validity of their own experiences.

Explore your romantic or sexual identity

Exploring your romantic or sexual identity is a personal journey that can take time and self-reflection. Keep in mind that there’s no rush to label yourself or figure everything out immediately. You might find it helpful to:

• Keep a journal of your feelings and experiences
• Read about different identities and orientations
• Talk to trusted friends or family members
• Join online communities or support groups
• Seek guidance from a therapist or counselor specializing in LGBTQIA+ issues

Your identity is valid regardless of whether you choose to label it or not. Seeking therapy from a professional who’s familiar with aromantic identities can help you address any mental health concerns and develop coping strategies. Visit our directoryto find a licensed therapist near you.